Pastor John Hagee Quits Ministry To Become New Subway Spokesman


John Hagee is the founder and senior pastor of Cornerstone Church in San Antonio, Texas, a megachurch with more than 20,000 active members. 

If you lived in San Antonio you would of been shocked recently by the headlines, "John Hagee gives up his ministry and more than $1.25 million dollars in annual compensation from the Cornerstone Church for his new role as Subway Spokesman".

It’s hard to believe that Subway will introduce this nation to a pastor named John Hagee. In his first commercial, which will run in the Midwest, Hagee a sort of regular guy that has now become a part of the fixture of tv televangelists: will reveal to the nation that struggling with his weight — a product of what he calls “a sedentary lifestyle” e.g. too much TV —  eventually caused him to balloon into a extremely overweight minister. 

Recently news of Hagee’s unconventional ministry reached Subway headquarters, and his career as a Subway spokesman began. 

Jared Fogle, who was the last subway spokesman and is in prison now, ad campaign used to run across the country, inspiring thousands to “Eat Fresh” popularizing the notion of the “Subway Diet”.

“It’s definitely a very surreal ride,” Hagee stated. “I would have never thought in a million years that it would have been happening to me, but you sort of sit back and take it all in.”

And it’s a lot to take in. Since recently becoming the new “The Subway Guy,” Hagee is looking forward to meeting countless celebrities.

Hagee’s church ministry's rise to fame, however, has not been without what he calls “haters.” Mainly these are people who have simply had enough of Hagee’s dominance over the televangelical ministry. “To be honest,” he says, “having been heavy through so much of my life and having to develop thick skin has really helped me to deal with those types of people.”

His Subway franchisee fan base won’t hurt either. All of Subway’s nearly 30,000 stores, located in 86 countries, are owned by franchisees who have put their trust in the chain’s new brand ambassador. And why wouldn’t they? 

“Subway will be going about two or three months without running my ads occasionally,” Hagee said. And while off-air, Hagee will be scheduled with Subway-related speaking engagements, press events and personal vacation trips.

Hagee wisely won’t disclose his salary, but he does admit that “they won’t pay me all in subs.” Subway will make sure that it'll get its money’s worth. Hagee will travel about 220 days a year, “mainly domestic—anywhere from Jackson, Mississippi, to Tampa, Florida, to Seattle.”

To celebrate his new job with Subway, Hagee is traveling to Phoenix and Denver. While on tour, he’s going to visit elementary schools, telling children to live healthy lifestyles. “The kids will be from about third grade and above,” he says. “That’s a really good age to target. They really haven’t made up their minds as far as their habits, so they’re reachable.” 

Asked if he'll miss his ministry Hagee said, "heck no". He'll have more time to travel and do some sightseeing and ride his horses on his ranch.

Being in front of the camera is also a big part of Hagee’s life. “I’m a lot more comfortable in front of a camera, and I’m not nervous anymore,” he says.

In the future after years of healthy living and thousands of fans and franchisees behind him, Hagee says that he'll continue trying to motivate people to get fit for as long as the brand will let him. “I’d love to be with Subway for a long time to come, and the great thing is that the future is an open book. It’s been surreal lately, and I hope the future is as just as surreal.”




The satire contained in this article and the fictional nature of it's content – even if based on real people and however similar to real events, is solely for entertainment.